Michael's Chronicles" The Lamp

The erotic sentiments towards lamps expressed by my bother Michael in the following post are not necessarily the sentiments of the establishment (me) running this blog. But they're not NOT necessarily the sentiments, either, I mean  . . . lamps, you know? What's not to sigh over?

The Lamp

The lamp on my nightstand is downright erotic. I confess I have spent way too much time staring at it while lying in bed at night. No, I’m not a lampophile and I don’t touch myself inappropriately while looking at it, although……….

If the thing we’re sitting in the produce section of the grocery store I might actually stop a stranger walking by and say, “Look at that thing.” There’s no doubt I would buy or shoplift it (only if the sign said, “NOT FOR SALE,” emphatically - in capital letters.)

What sadist would post such a sign in front of this object knowing the effect it was going to have on people? I can just feel the beady eyes of the produce manager as he’s watching me loiter around the damn thing and reaching out to fondle it. He’s a wacko for sure, a lamp voyeur. I touch it anyway and close my eyes. 

Its texture is smooth. Too smooth. Alluringly so. I hear a little girl saying, “Mommy, look what that man’s doing. Why are his eyes closed?” The mom responds, “Let’s move along, honey. It’s not polite to stare.” Under her breath I hear the word, “Pervert.”

Truth be told, she’s secretly jealous. She’s no doubt going to return later without her daughter to touch it herself. If I have anything to say about it, it won’t be here.

As you can see, its curvaceous body is brown (my favorite color) like milk chocolate. The stem at the top is sorta the shape of that of an Acorn Squash only more beautiful. Its ridges and top are skin pink. In between the ridges there is a pretty strong hint of brown again. The stem is also quite smooth. I am tempted to grab the lamp by it and run, but sanity prevails in the moment. If I do it, for sure store security will ruin my day.

I reach for the lamp shade. It is the perfect choice for my ceramic girlfriend - translucent and textured like leather. I don’t care for jerky but I think I could chew on this shade for a while. Just not in public. People might not understand. I might get hauled off and fitted for a straitjacket.

I never dreamed I’d be writing about a lamp. It’s risky. But if one is going to be dominated by a fetish there are worse things than this. At least it’s not a rubber duck with devil horns. Think I’ll turn it off and catch some sleep. ZZZZZZZZZZ…….