The two novels I've been working on for the past few years and my energy-sapping day job hav e conspired to keep me from writing much in this blog, but fortunately my brother Michael is feeling prolific, despite the heart surgery he had in December and a demanding art fair schedule for selling his wooden drums. The tap has been turned back on. However, the well is a bit weird . . .
Ostrich
Two A.M.
BEAUMONT, Texas
January 29, this year (I think)
I had never seen an ostrich at the Arctic Circle. Two reasons mostly covered this truth: I’ve never been to the Arctic Circle, and I would bet no ostrich has either. This had to be a dream. As such, all bets were off. I couldn’t say how long I’d been standing there watching the ostrich and pony show (sans the horse) before I’d realized that the whole scene was pretty unlikely. I wondered for a brief moment if I had popped out of some Randy Newman song and was expected to know what to do next. No such luck. I began reasoning. As always this was a bad idea but, as in every preposterous dream I can remember having had, I forged ahead as if explaining to a group of bald faced idiots why the whole thing was highly unlikely. I could hear myself talking. I’ve been told that I talk out loud and in complete sentences during these dreams. Told by whom? Eavesdroppers, that’s whom.
Dreams are precarious enough without voyeurs watching us systematically saw off the psychic limbs upon which we are perched. Arctic Circle. Ostrich. Really? I wanted to ask him what he was doing there but I speak no Ostrich, and I couldn’t bear the thought that he (an assumption, of course, because I’m not trained to determine the sex of one of those things) might actually answer. In English. At that moment he raised his head suddenly from the ice upon which he’d been pecking and fixed me, large dark eyes and frowning brow, with what seemed for all the world to be a severe and accusing glare. The thought hit me: there I was stuck in a dream at the Arctic Circle with a large pissed off bird. The dream evolved. He suddenly broke out in uncontrollable laughter. He laughed so hard, in fact, that his knees buckled, and he keeled onto his ass and began coughing. He pointed at me. It was only then that I realized I was wearing only shorts, a T-shirt and low cut tennis shoes with no socks.
I was speechless, yet I talked on reasoning the whole thing out. I asked him what the hell he was laughing at. After all, I said, look at his skinny ass legs and feet. At least I was wearing shoes. He was not. And he, just as I, had no socks. He laughed on and pointed now at his feathers. My teeth began chattering. Hope no one was listening. Joah was in the next bed snoring, but we are in a budget motel with those notoriously thin walls.
Suddenly the Ostrich stood up, fetched a huge Cuban cigar from between his feathers, wicked it up with an invisible match and turned away chuckling and blowing smoke rings. I felt lonely, isolated, embarrassed and - oh yeah - cold as hell. Fuck you Randy Newman. And fuck your stupid songs. I need a Rolaid.